I have been very open about my emotional problems, the longer I've been home, the more I've seen where they are coming from, and I'm also noticing a very unfortunate cycle, one that I am fighting tooth and nail to break.
Like I mentioned before I graduated in December and since then I have still been unable to find a job. The ones that I've been offered barely pay minimum wage for work that deserves twice that, or they were for places that I've already work and promised myself I would never return to. I asked for one summer without my younger cousins because I'm not in a good place emotionally, and I feel like as usual I did not get what I wanted. But I've been coping as best I could for a little more than a month, and by that I mean BARELY coping.
Where I am mentally and emotionally in life has been reflecting in my videos. The stress of life was consuming me and I sounded as dead in my videos as I felt inside. When it comes down to it, being this much of a YouTube noob and having more followers connected to my Twitch team than I do people who actually like my videos, nobody actually cares about what's going on in my life; what they see is boring videos that sucks the life out of them.
I've also been dealing with being called boring, worrying about my image and what I'm putting out there, freaking out because I had put so much effort into my videos and it was seeming like it was for nothing.
I mentioned before how video games have been a coping vessel for me, how through them I am able to disconnect from my fucked up reality, and even for an hour a day that is HUGE! Last week things started to spiral out of control. My mom had been on vacation for a month so it was easier to deal with the children (who I would rather have 0 interaction with), but she went away on the weekend and returned to work on Monday. I was STRESSED and could feel myself beginning to spiral.
Y'all! It was as if the Niche devs heard my prayers. They released patch 0.5.0, one of the biggest updates they've had while they were developing the game and it is freakin' amazing! It took me back to the days I started playing Niche which is when I started YouTube. It was awesome to be that excited again and to get lost in the game for hours at a time. My excitement and relief reflected in my videos and my viewers LOVED IT!
I gained more subscribers in the past few days than I did in my entire YouTube career (like, legit, outside of my Team subscribers), the average views on my videos jumped to 40 with one breaking more than 200 in less than a week!
This was very encouraging and helped me in more ways than just getting closer to subscriber and view goals, and I am immensely grateful to those who took the time out to watch my videos and subscribe as well; but especially for those members of Team Emmmmsie who I had gotten close to in the past months for making sure that I did not give up.
Like I mentioned before I graduated in December and since then I have still been unable to find a job. The ones that I've been offered barely pay minimum wage for work that deserves twice that, or they were for places that I've already work and promised myself I would never return to. I asked for one summer without my younger cousins because I'm not in a good place emotionally, and I feel like as usual I did not get what I wanted. But I've been coping as best I could for a little more than a month, and by that I mean BARELY coping.
Where I am mentally and emotionally in life has been reflecting in my videos. The stress of life was consuming me and I sounded as dead in my videos as I felt inside. When it comes down to it, being this much of a YouTube noob and having more followers connected to my Twitch team than I do people who actually like my videos, nobody actually cares about what's going on in my life; what they see is boring videos that sucks the life out of them.
I've also been dealing with being called boring, worrying about my image and what I'm putting out there, freaking out because I had put so much effort into my videos and it was seeming like it was for nothing.
I mentioned before how video games have been a coping vessel for me, how through them I am able to disconnect from my fucked up reality, and even for an hour a day that is HUGE! Last week things started to spiral out of control. My mom had been on vacation for a month so it was easier to deal with the children (who I would rather have 0 interaction with), but she went away on the weekend and returned to work on Monday. I was STRESSED and could feel myself beginning to spiral.
Y'all! It was as if the Niche devs heard my prayers. They released patch 0.5.0, one of the biggest updates they've had while they were developing the game and it is freakin' amazing! It took me back to the days I started playing Niche which is when I started YouTube. It was awesome to be that excited again and to get lost in the game for hours at a time. My excitement and relief reflected in my videos and my viewers LOVED IT!
I gained more subscribers in the past few days than I did in my entire YouTube career (like, legit, outside of my Team subscribers), the average views on my videos jumped to 40 with one breaking more than 200 in less than a week!
This was very encouraging and helped me in more ways than just getting closer to subscriber and view goals, and I am immensely grateful to those who took the time out to watch my videos and subscribe as well; but especially for those members of Team Emmmmsie who I had gotten close to in the past months for making sure that I did not give up.
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