Gonna open this by saying that support is very important, especially early on. Everyone takes for granted the power of a like or even a short conversation during a stream. Bigger than that though is the support of the people you love.
Backtracking a bit, I thought I would be one of those people to start at the bottom and then spiral up very quickly, I had all of these dreams and ambitions when I left college, and one by one they've all crashed and burned. I was not supposed to wind up living in my mother's third bedroom that doubles as storage, I was not supposed to be so broke that I can't even afford to buy my parents even the smallest gifts for their birthdays, not me, one way or the other I was supposed to be successful.
Fast-forward to today, it's eight years after my life was supposed to begin and six months after my second chance was supposed to begin. Plan A: move to Canada (failed), Plan B: find a job to be able to get my own place, finally begin my life and take first vacation since 2008 (failed), and now Plan C: YouTube til one of my plans worked out (failed).
A few weeks ago I realized that my views had begun to reflect my mood, I went from an average of 18 views, to 8 to 0 and honestly that hurt. On Twitch I averaged 3 viewers per stream and that eventually fizzled to 0 as well. The difference between when I began and now? I'm not excited about anything anymore and that translates in my videos.
Now, to what I was saying earlier about "the people you love" supporting you. I've always been an odd ball, always marched to the beat of my own drum and in Bahamian culture that is a no-no. If you don't speak the say way as everyone else, and dress the dame way, and like the same kind of music, and have that overly aggressive attitude, then you're weird. Anything that isn't the mundane 9-5 of one of the usual text book careers is unheard of. Nobody gets me which is why very few people know that I'm a YouTuber, it is why I hide behind an alias and an avatar. My mother just wants me to be "normal", and the faux enthusiasm and strange looks I got from the few people I did tell about my channel did not go unnoticed. There is absolutely nobody I can talk to when, for example, I'm getting 0 views where I got 30.
Between my circumstances and my own emptiness, I believe that it is best that I take a step back for the good of my channel. When I have the occasional "good day" I will record or stream (on YouTube).
Am I giving up? HELLLLLL NO!
I saw growth during the six months I've been creating content. Everything from the quality of my videos and thumbnails to the cute factor of my avatar changed, and I finally figured out those little notifications that pop up during streams when someone subscribes or hosts. I worked hard man! And I refuse to see that work go to waste. Rome wasn't built in a day, and so I don't see why I should rage quit just because my empire didn't take 24 hours to become great.
I'm a gamer, yeah sometimes I'll get frustrated and shut the game off, but after a glass of milk and a nap I get right back to where I left off and I wreck that level/boss/dilo who stole my damn base!
In time I'll get a job and I'll be able to afford a computer twice as good as my 4 year old Lenovo Y410P Ideapad, I'll get those three screens, a better mic, a webcam and all the editing software any nerd could ever need, I'll get the games I always wanted to play and even include the IRL things I've been dreaming of. I'll get my job and apartment and car and the corgi too! I AM STUBBORN AND DAMN PROUD OF IT!
Bottom line is, when it all comes tumbling down, I'm not giving up on Kaje and neither should you. Continue checking out my content, there's 97 videos up there, if you finish one series start another, leave me likes and comments, if you think I'm not having a good day, or even if I obvious am pop into my comment section/chat and say "FUCK YEAH KAJE I SEE YOU GIRL!" because if I relied on the people I see daily, I would have given up a long time ago; you (my gaming community/friends and viewers) are my rock!
One more time for the peanut gallery: YouTube Channel #LookUp
Backtracking a bit, I thought I would be one of those people to start at the bottom and then spiral up very quickly, I had all of these dreams and ambitions when I left college, and one by one they've all crashed and burned. I was not supposed to wind up living in my mother's third bedroom that doubles as storage, I was not supposed to be so broke that I can't even afford to buy my parents even the smallest gifts for their birthdays, not me, one way or the other I was supposed to be successful.
Fast-forward to today, it's eight years after my life was supposed to begin and six months after my second chance was supposed to begin. Plan A: move to Canada (failed), Plan B: find a job to be able to get my own place, finally begin my life and take first vacation since 2008 (failed), and now Plan C: YouTube til one of my plans worked out (failed).
A few weeks ago I realized that my views had begun to reflect my mood, I went from an average of 18 views, to 8 to 0 and honestly that hurt. On Twitch I averaged 3 viewers per stream and that eventually fizzled to 0 as well. The difference between when I began and now? I'm not excited about anything anymore and that translates in my videos.
Now, to what I was saying earlier about "the people you love" supporting you. I've always been an odd ball, always marched to the beat of my own drum and in Bahamian culture that is a no-no. If you don't speak the say way as everyone else, and dress the dame way, and like the same kind of music, and have that overly aggressive attitude, then you're weird. Anything that isn't the mundane 9-5 of one of the usual text book careers is unheard of. Nobody gets me which is why very few people know that I'm a YouTuber, it is why I hide behind an alias and an avatar. My mother just wants me to be "normal", and the faux enthusiasm and strange looks I got from the few people I did tell about my channel did not go unnoticed. There is absolutely nobody I can talk to when, for example, I'm getting 0 views where I got 30.
Between my circumstances and my own emptiness, I believe that it is best that I take a step back for the good of my channel. When I have the occasional "good day" I will record or stream (on YouTube).
Am I giving up? HELLLLLL NO!
I saw growth during the six months I've been creating content. Everything from the quality of my videos and thumbnails to the cute factor of my avatar changed, and I finally figured out those little notifications that pop up during streams when someone subscribes or hosts. I worked hard man! And I refuse to see that work go to waste. Rome wasn't built in a day, and so I don't see why I should rage quit just because my empire didn't take 24 hours to become great.
I'm a gamer, yeah sometimes I'll get frustrated and shut the game off, but after a glass of milk and a nap I get right back to where I left off and I wreck that level/boss/dilo who stole my damn base!
In time I'll get a job and I'll be able to afford a computer twice as good as my 4 year old Lenovo Y410P Ideapad, I'll get those three screens, a better mic, a webcam and all the editing software any nerd could ever need, I'll get the games I always wanted to play and even include the IRL things I've been dreaming of. I'll get my job and apartment and car and the corgi too! I AM STUBBORN AND DAMN PROUD OF IT!
Bottom line is, when it all comes tumbling down, I'm not giving up on Kaje and neither should you. Continue checking out my content, there's 97 videos up there, if you finish one series start another, leave me likes and comments, if you think I'm not having a good day, or even if I obvious am pop into my comment section/chat and say "FUCK YEAH KAJE I SEE YOU GIRL!" because if I relied on the people I see daily, I would have given up a long time ago; you (my gaming community/friends and viewers) are my rock!
One more time for the peanut gallery: YouTube Channel #LookUp
Comments
Post a Comment