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Own it Babe, Wurk Hunty!

The title? I've been watching a lot of  RuPaul's Drag Race lately. But if you've seen my post yesterday, clearly I was not in a good place (I'm still not, nothing's changed), but the purpose for this blog is to document my journey in the wonderful world of YouTube, so that's what I'm going to do.

If you check out my channel right about now, you will find....NOTHING? Why? It's been a shitty morning, like the shittiest of mornings! I woke up at 7:30 am, that was the first issue, I am not a morning person. I shut off the alarm on my phone and notifications showed up, one of them was this thing:


After the day I had yesterday, I was like damn really? I immediately deleted the comment because I figured that I didn't need that shit. But you know what? I immediately regretted it. Why? Because this person is telling the truth, I am boring, I know I'm boring. Not gonna lie, I had to share this pic with Alonzo Lerone because while my life is falling apart around me, I still have my dignity and if you're gonna come for me at least have the decency to check your grammar and spelling. This led to a series of angry tweets and about an hour of wound licking, following which I went in and made all of my videos private while I contemplate deleting the channel. Someone replied to one of my tweets that I am boring and I need to perk up a bit, to which I shouted that THIS IS MY PERSONALITY I AM A BORING PERSON!!! 

During the whole break down, I remembered something Sl1pg8r said. If you don't know who that is he's an AMAZING gaming YouTuber and father to a beautiful corgi, you can check out his channel here. He said that in the beginning he was terrible, and naturally I assumed that Sl1pg8r terrible and Kaje terrible are two different things so I went alllll the way back and this is what I found:




It was very familiar. the monotone, the rambling, the trying wayyy too hard to be funny, the not being sure who you are as a streamer which is reflected in his use of swears. But he grew, 7 years and more than a million subscribers later, Sl1pg8r is a name very few gamers fail to recognize.

I did some soul searching as well and the truth is I'm not boring, but the person in those videos isn't me, the person in those videos is the person who's pissed off and defeated by her current situation. I'm loud, I have an obnoxious laugh, I'm quick witted (sarcastic like a motherfuck), I cuss like a sailor and I freakin' love gaming!!! Granted I am really socially awkward and I have a short temper, but I've learned to embrace those things IRL.

That being said, the videos will be back but there won't be anything new until I can be my truest self.

#LookUp

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